Who's Your Rabbi? the blog

What the Cluck?

2005-03-02T20:26:00.000-05:00

Happy Easter! Christian humor at its finest.

2005-01-29T11:21:00.000-05:00

Here's what my friends in the greater Boston area think of all the recent snow.
Larry

Prince Adolph

2005-01-14T19:45:00.000-05:00

Here's a question I've pondered all day: Who's dumber, Harry for being a Nazi or Charles for cheating on Diana with the ever so ugly Camilla?

MasterCrap Priceless

2004-12-22T06:02:00.000-05:00

I love making snow...penises?

2004-12-21T07:12:00.000-05:00

A Very Shabot Christmas!

2004-12-20T20:01:00.000-05:00

Enjoy!

Crooked Israeli Refs

2004-12-15T21:13:00.000-05:00

Two Israeli refs have been jailed for 6 months for fixing soccer matches. They got 7,000 shekels ($1,615) as bribes for fixing the matches. Who are these refs? The guys from Dumb & Dumber. Way to piss your life a way for a few lousy bucks. And good for the Israeli judge for giving these guys the smackdown. US sports should take a lesson.

Chastity Underwear

2004-12-15T06:36:00.000-05:00

Now available at Target: Chastity Underwear complete with a lock and key. Written on the lock is "safe and secure".

It seems to me that if anyone got close enough to see the lock and key, the underwear are no longer safe and secure. Call me crazy, but I don't think these are going to be too effective.

Hannukah Hotties!

2004-12-12T10:18:00.000-05:00

Thank you Mr. Skin for this great list of Hannukah Hotties! Spark up the menorah and enjoy.

Hannukah Hey Ya Song

2004-12-10T21:37:00.000-05:00

The Chanukah Hey Ya Song was created by one funny mother Eric Schwartz. Check out SuburbanHomeboy to read more about Eric Schwartz.

Now as for the animation of the Hey Ya Chanukah Song, it was created by a fan of the song. Obviously the creator is not Jewish, but I give him an 'E' for effort.

Last count there were only two Jews in the United States, a husband and wife team of rebel Jewish Eskimos, in Jewneau, Alaska, who have not heard the Hey Ya Song yet. The Rabbi and I are working hard on getting a T1 line to their igloo before Chanukah ends.

Is Walgreens Anti-Semitic?

2004-12-09T18:52:00.000-05:00

The other day a Jewish co-worker of mine mentioned that she had a disturbing experience while shopping at Walgreens. She was trying to find labels for Chanukah presents. You know the one's I mean, they say TO: and FROM: usually with a little dreidel or menorah on them. Much to her surprise there were no Chanukah labels in all of Walgreens. Sure there were plenty of Christmas labels, but nil, nada, zero Chanukah labels.

Then she went to get a Chanukah card for her parents and there was a card for Mom and one for Dad, but not one for Parents. Which leads me to this: Do the people at Hallmark think that Jewish parents get divorced more than our Christmas celebrating friends? Perhaps that's why there was not a single Chanukah card that said Parents on it.

I don't know what's going on at Walgreens, but I think it just comes down to good old fashioned anti-semitism. Wait a minute, is there such a thing as good old fashioned anti-semitism? You would think down here in southern Florida you'd have about 50% of your holiday items geared towards Jews. I say ban Walgreens.

Who's Your Rabbi? in the news

2004-12-08T22:46:00.000-05:00

Check out this great article by Palm Beach Post writer Elizabeth Clarke about Who's Your Rabbi? and Jewish-themed gear.

Who's Your Rabbi? in da news

2004-12-07T21:03:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Tara Weiss at the Hartford Courant for mentioning Who's Your Rabbi? in an article on Jewish Pop Culture. Also mentioned were our friends at Jewsweek, JewSchool, NextBook and ReBooters.

The World's Most Expensive Matzoh Ball Soup

2004-12-05T21:30:00.000-05:00

The other day I wasn't feeling well so I opted to go to the local TooJay's deli and pick up some matzoh ball soup for lunch. The bowl of soup ended up costing me $118! No kidding. TooJay's is less than a mile from my office, but within that mile there is a ton of construction going on. I was sick, jamming to some Dave Matthews and not paying attention to the 35 MPH speed limit. I got a $115 speeding ticket. The lovely Palm Beach Gardens police officer proceeded to tell me how nice he was being for giving me a ticket as if it were just speeding, but not in a construction zone. If he had not been so nice to me, the ticket would have been $350.

If I had been feeling better I would have had a witty response to try and get out of the ticket. The way I felt I just wanted to get back to my desk and eat the damn soup. This is the first speeding ticket I've ever gotten that I really wasn't upset about. I was more concerned with eating my soup. As for the bald headed cop who gave me the ticket, I wish chronic diarrhea upon you for the entire holiday season.

It's movie time...

2004-12-04T19:34:00.000-05:00

Last night I watched the always funny movie Office Space. Tonight, oy vey, I'm going to watch Elf. Not Alf, Elf. Will Farrell is a funny dude, so I'm sure the movie will be entertaining at the very least.

The Knish

2004-12-03T21:38:00.000-05:00

Today I had the pleasure of stumbling upon TheKnish.com. The Knish is a Kosher version of theOnion. After reading through The Knish I all of a sudden have an urge for....a bagel.

Whereth art thou SpongeBob?

2004-12-02T06:09:00.000-05:00

Over 50 SpongeBob Squarepants inflatable balloons have been stolen from Burger Kings across America. These SpongeBob-nappings are sickening, leave the crabby patty flipper alone.

I had the pleasure of taking my kids to see the SpongeBob movie the other week. It's definitely not as enjoyable as the half-hour show, but I've taken my kids to see much worse movies, like Garfield. And the special guest appearance by David Hasselhoff tells me one thing about Mr. Knight Rider, he's now a total loser.

Leftovers

2004-12-01T07:14:00.000-05:00

The other day I finished up the Thanksgiving leftovers. There are only two kinds of leftovers that I'll eat: Chinese food & Thanksgiving dinner. Anything else might as well go in the garbage as far as I'm concerned, because I won't eat it again.

the GloThong

2004-11-30T06:38:00.000-05:00

The GloThong is a new glow in the dark thong that's sure to be available at Wal-Mart and other family stores real soon. Of course, I'm a big fan of the thong, not for me personally to wear, but when on the right female tokhis they look great. I think the primary market for the GloThong will be strippers, maybe some hookers, escorts...Hey what the heck, I've wasted money on worse things than the GloThong.

What are they going to think of next, edible underwear?

Anniversary of the UN vote on Resolution 181

2004-11-29T01:29:00.000-05:00

November 29, 1947 - November 29, 2004

This BlogBurst piece is cross-posted by participating websites, to commemorate a milestone in Israel's history. The list of the participating sites is appended at the end of this post.

Today is the anniversary of the UN vote on resolution 181, which approved the partition of the western part Palestine into a predominately Jewish state and a predominately Arab state. (It is vital to recall that the UN partition plan referred to western Palestine, to underscore that in 1921 the eastern part was ripped off the Jewish National Home by the British Government and handed over to the then Emir Abdullah.)

The partition plan was approved by 33 to 13, with 10 abstentions.

The 33 countries that cast the “Yes” vote were: Australia, Belgium, Bolivia, Brazil, Byelorussia, Canada, Costa Rica, Czechoslovakia, Denmark, Dominican Republic, Ecuador, France, Guatemala, Haiti, Iceland, Liberia, Luxembourg, Netherlands, New Zealand, Nicaragua, Norway, Panama, Paraguay, Peru, Philippines, Poland, Sweden, Ukraine, Union of South Africa, USSR, USA, Uruguay, Venezuela. (Among other countries, the list includes the US, the three British Dominions, all the European countries except for Greece and the UK, but including all the Soviet-block countries.)

The 13 countries that chose the Hall of Shame and voted “No” were: Afghanistan, Cuba, Egypt, Greece, India, Iran, Iraq, Lebanon, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Syria, Turkey, Yemen. (Ten of these are Moslem countries; Greece has the special distinction of being the only European country to have joined the Hall of Shame.)

The ten countries that abstained are: Argentina, Chile, China, Colombia, El Salvador, Ethiopia, Honduras, Mexico, United Kingdom, Yugoslavia.

On November 30, 1947, the day following the vote, the Palestinian Arabs murdered six Jews in a bus making its way to Jerusalem, and proceeded to murder another Jew in the Tel-Aviv - Jaffa area. This was a prelude to a war that claimed the lives of 6,000 Jews, or 1% of the total Jewish population in 1948. This toll is the per capita equivalent of today’s Canada losing 300,000 lives, or the US losing 3,000,000.

The object of the war, launched by the Arabs in the former Palestine and the armies of Egypt, Tansjordan, Syria and Lebanon (with help from other Arab countries), was to "throw the Jews into the sea". As the partition map indicates, however, rather than annihilate the Jewish population, the Arabs ended up with less territory than they would have gained by peaceful means.

In addition to the bloodshed in nascent Israel, immediately after the UN vote, Arabs attacks their Jewish neighbours in a number of Arab countries, the murders in Syria’s Aleppo being the best known.

Bruised and bleeding, Israel prevailed nonetheless. May our sister-democracy thrive and flourish.

List of participating sites:

Anti Idiotarian Rottweiler
Arkansas Bushwacker
Armies Of Liberation
Bama Pachyderm
Biurchametz
Blimpish
Blithered
Blog Willy
Blue Rev
Canadian Comment
Cao's Blog
Catholic Friends of Israel
Christian Patriot
Christian Action for Israel
Clarity and Resolve
Crusader War College
Cuanas
Danegerus
Daniel Davis
Flig
God Pigeon
Harald Tribune
Hatshepsut
Heretics Almanac
Hidden Nook
History Nerd
Ice Viking
I Love America
Instant Knowledge News
Israpundit
Israel Commentary
JPundit
Jersusalem Posts
Leaning Right News
Lindasog
Live Journal
MCNS
Martinipundit
Mererhetoric
Motnews
Mugged By Reality
Mystery Achievement
Mystical Paths
Naebunny
NetWMD
Nice Jewish Boy
Peaktalk
Protect Our Heritage
Reaganesque
Red Tigress
Riteturnonly
Shimshon9
Solomonia
Spitball Defense
Supernatural
Tampa Bay Primer
Techie Vampire
Texasbug
Tex The Pontificator
The Autism homepage
The Conservative
The Homeland
The Seal Club
Wackingday
Who's Your Rabbi
Voxfelisi
Yoan Hermida
Weblog of a Wandering Jew

Jmerica.com

2004-11-28T07:50:00.000-05:00
Thanks to the folks over at Jmerica for the great write-up and for making Who's Your Rabbi? the t-shirt of the week. Check it out here. Jmerica Rocks!

Holiday shoppers

2004-11-27T09:53:00.000-05:00
People are such friggin morons. Who in their right mind gets up to go to Wal-Mart, Target, Best Buy or any store for that matter at 5 in the morning. All over the local news and newspapers were pictures of these idiots in lines that were just obscene. To save a couple of bucks is it really worth getting up this early in the morning and fighting these mob scenes? I don't think so. Get a life you losers.

Seinfeld reunites

2004-11-25T14:04:00.000-05:00
Who won't be watching the Seinfeld special tonight? When the show was on I used to watch it religiously. Even now I make an effort to watch the reruns. So you bet your ass I'll be watching Seinfeld tonight. I just hope the show isn't a total commercial ploy to sell the DVD sets that are being released.

Tempted by....

2004-11-24T21:32:00.000-05:00
Ever have something in your life that you want really badly? You just start thinking about it and all you want to do is have it. This is a problem I have. Is it a problem or a good thing? I know I shouldn't have it, but I always have the urge for it. It's probably not good for me, but I can't resist, I have to have it. I can't do without it. If I don't have it I am not happy. It bothers me if I am without it.

Oh screw it, I'm heading to the kitchen to have it. It, is my reference to ice cream. I eat ice cream every damn night before bed. I can't help it I am addicted to it.

Yad Vashem

2004-11-23T21:21:00.000-05:00
The Yad Vashem museum's website has launched biographical access to over 3 million Jews who were killed in the Holocaust. Yad Vashem had over 1,500 people working for more than 10 years to compile this information. Congrats to Yad Vashem on a job well done. Their goal is to increase the list to 6 million people as soon as possible. Oy vey, what a project.

Who's Your Rabbi? is Jewriffic!

2004-11-22T21:29:00.000-05:00
According to Jewsweek Who's Your Rabbi? t-shirts are Jewriffic. The Jewriffic awards are the ten most remarkable things in Jewish culture each week. Thanks to the editor of Jewsweek, Benyamin Cohen, for having good taste in clothing and including Who's Your Rabbi? in the Jewriffic Awards.

Sharon's Dinner at the White House

2004-11-21T21:43:00.000-05:00
When Ariel Sharon came to Washington for meetings with George W Bush & for a state dinner, Laura Bush decided to bring in a special Kosher chef & offer a truly Jewish meal. At the dinner that night, the first course served is matzo ball soup. George W. looks at this & after learning what it is called, he tells an aide that he can't eat such a gross & strange-looking brew. The aide says that Mr. Sharon will be insulted if he doesn't at least taste it. Not wanting to cause any trouble (after all, he ate sheep's eye in honor of Arab guests), George W. gingerly lowers his spoon into the bowl & retrieves a piece of matzo ball & some broth. He hesitates, then swallows. A big grin appears on his face. He finds that he really likes it, so he digs right in & finishes the whole bowl. "That was delicious," Bush says to Sharon. "Do you Jews eat any other part of the matzo, or just the balls?"

Christmas Lights

2004-11-20T20:27:00.000-05:00
My neighbors have already started putting up their Christmas lights. I can't friggin believe it's already time to watch my neighborhood glow like Chevy Chase's house in Christmas Vacation.

Everyone of my neighbors does their house up with more damn lights than you'd ever want to see. I think it's a conspiracy to force me to move.

Jewish Movies

2004-11-19T22:02:00.000-05:00
Today an email was forwarded around the office from one Jew to another. Here it is:

Jewish movies you may have missed

1. GONIF WITH THE WIND - A thief tries to acquire ownership of Tara through a forged deed.
2. THE PUTZMAN RINGS TWICE - A Mohel murder mystery.
3. THE GOOD, THE CHABAD, AND THE UGLY - A kosher noodle western.
4. MOBY DRECK - Captain Ahab harpoons the wrong end of the whale.
5. THE CINCINNATI YID - Steve McQueen uses some of his poker winnings to start a reform congregation.
6. THE SEDER HOUSE RULES - Bubbie lays down the law on Pesach.
7. BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KIBBITZER - Paul Newman and Robert Redford do standup shtick while they rob their victims.
8. BRIDGE OVER THE RIVER KVETCH - The extras complain that whistling the theme song dries out their mouths and hurts their lips.
9. THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LATKE - An overdone potato pancake turns into a monster.
10. THE MATZO CANDIDATE - Frank Sinatra is brainwashed into thinking that it's always Passover.
11. DRIEDELS OF THE LOST ARK - Harrison Ford plays Chanukah games.
12. ALEPH DOESN'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE - Neither the waitress nor the old Hebrew school can be found.
13. THE SIX CENTS - Three Jews each put in their two-cents worth.
14 . DREYDEL WILL ROCK - Chanukah toy comes alive.
15. GOYS DON'T CRY - Rabbi explains why only Jews observe Yom Kippur.
16. STUART LADLE - Mouse makes chicken soup for Shabbos.
17. THE GREEN MOYEL - Young man performs first circumcision.
18. GOY STORY II - Jewish man divorces shiksa, marries another.

Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese Sandwich

2004-11-18T21:16:00.000-05:00
People are so friggin stupid. An image of the Virgin Mary on a 10 year old grilled cheese sandwich is up for auction on eBay.

I don't get these freaks that are constantly seeing the image of the Virgin Mary. I wish I had the money to buy this damn sandwich. I'd eat the thing on a live video feed for all of the world to watch. Then, when the time came, I'd take a picture of the Virgin Mary floating in my toilet like a brown trout.

Why Who's Your Rabbi?

2004-11-17T22:16:00.000-05:00
Several of my friends have said to me "Larry why are you selling those cool and hip Jewish t-shirts? What do you know about being a stylish, fashion conscious, hip Jew?"

My response is "I decided to launch Who's Your Rabbi? because I feel there is a demand and need for more hip Jewish apparel in the marketplace. There are several sites that sell Jewish, Yiddish, Hebrew and Israeli themed t-shirts and apparel, but none of their gear really appealed to me. They were either kind of plain or they were too religious. So I decided to learn the apparel business and design a shirt that will appeal to both Jewish females and males."

So far the Who's Your Rabbi? t-shirts have been doing great. Everyone loves the design and they are selling like crazy. I've learned a lot about the retail apparel industry and at the same time I've been rediscovering myself as a Jew. If I didn't sell a single damn t-shirt the fact that I have become a better Jew will have made this all worthwhile.

Scott Benarde the Author

2004-11-16T22:04:00.000-05:00
Scott Benarde the author of Stars of David will be at my temple this weekend to give a talk about his book. The book is about Jews in rock'n'roll. I'm excited about hearing him talk. I love rock music and to hear stories about people I've idolized and listened to my entire life should be interesting.

One of the clips from Stars of David is about David Lee Roth and how he learned he could sing while training for his Bar Mitzvah. How funny is that? I can see David Lee Roth on the bimah in his spandex leopard skin pants with his yarmulke on, becoming a man.

I look forward to hearing more stories first hand from Scott Benarde.

I'll definitely add excerpts from Scott Benarde's talk in a few days.

Oy Vey this is funny

2004-11-15T21:15:00.000-05:00
It's not often that I see things that make me laugh, but this did.

The Polar Express, a Jews thoughts

2004-11-14T15:42:00.000-05:00
So I took my 2 boys to see the Polar Express. Since their Mom's not Jewish, we celebrate both Christmas and Chanukah in our house. We all enjoyed the movie. I would definitely recommend it to anyone with children.

The funny thing to me about the movie and Christmas in general is it is all based on a big lie. From a child's 1st Christmas they are deliberately lied to by everyone that some big fat man named Santa Claus delivers presents to every boy and girl around the world. I am not looking forward to the day when my boys realize that Santa is a big fat lie. I'm sure they are going to be pissed off. At least at Chanukah you light the menorah and know who the gifts are from, no lies.

Is Books-A-Million Anti-Semitic? Racist?

2004-11-13T13:01:00.000-05:00
Yesterday I took my 3 year old son to Books-A-Million. The holiday books, or shall I say Christmas books, are out in full force. We went to the kids section to find a children's Chanukah book. Much to my surprise there were only 2 Chanukah books in the children's section. There were 12 Christmas books and only one Kwanzaa book. To top it off the Chanukah and Kwaanza books were towards the bottom of the rack.

I don't know if Books-A-Million is truly an anti-semitic or racist company. I know there are plenty of good Jewish children's books out there. I live in South Florida, there are tons of Jews here. You would think a store like this would want to cater to their clientele. I think I'll just shop online or go to a Judaica store from now on, it's a shame, it's a lot of fun taking kids to the book store to pick out whichever book they want.

The Rabbi & the IRS

2004-11-12T16:53:00.000-05:00
This is a very good joke titled Oy Vey da Little Schmuck. It's about a rabbi and an IRS agent. What more could you need for a great joke. Well, yes, midgets, hookers, farm animals and Little Bo Peep usually help make a joke, but somehow this jokes works without them.

2004-11-11T22:22:00.000-05:00

I have a good friend that was somehow able to get me this picture of Arafat's stone.

Yasser Arafat has a Twin Brother!

2004-11-11T13:46:00.000-05:00
The prick may be dead, but it has come to my attention that Yasser Arafat's twin brother is none other than: E.T. the Extra Terrestrial. The pictures below show the striking resemblance between E.T. and Yasser.

Now the bad news, E.T. must die.

John Kerry is Jewish?

2004-11-11T07:12:00.000-05:00

Read the entire story:John Kerry: Oy Vey! I've Got Jewish in Me

Rabbi Michelle & G. W. Bush

2004-11-10T21:39:00.000-05:00
Check out Rabbi Michelle as she poses with a very fake smile on her face while being hugged by President Bush. Her smile is saying "Oy Vey, this schmuck is our President again!"

Jewish Rappers

2004-11-08T21:37:00.000-05:00
It seems like Jews and rap go together like chocolate and peanut butter. You wouldn't think they're a good fit, but when they mix, it is sweet. Here's a couple of new Jewish hip hop groups to look out for: White n'Blue & Hip Hop Hoodios

The Hip Hop Hoodios are actually a Spanish Jewish group. They are doing some international touring right now and will be in Paris next month. I like the Hoodio Honey t-shirts they sell on their website. As for White n'Blue they are good old boys from the homeland.

The Rabbi wishes the Hip Hop Hoodios and White n'Blue all the success in the world. May you kick it with da Beastie Boys one day.

Half Jew

2004-11-06T17:29:00.000-05:00
The other day I stumbled upon HalfJew.com

I think this is a great logo. Really tells you who they are. Having two children that are half jews, I found this site particularly relevant. Granted the kids mother is not Jewish, so to many they are not considered Jews. To those people, I say go fly a kite.

Bagels & being Jewish

2004-11-04T21:55:00.000-05:00
I've often wondered if I would like bagels as much as I do if I weren't Jewish. This is the type of question that keeps me up at night.

Hebrew School

2004-11-03T20:59:00.000-05:00
How come I learned how to read Hebrew at Hebrew School, but I have no idea how to speak Hebrew? I can read it, but have no idea what any of it means. Did my Hebrew school suck or is this the norm?

I feel like I got short changed.

Press Release: Who's Your Rabbi?

2004-11-01T22:47:00.000-05:00
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Press Contact: Larry Fein
G. Road Productions Corp.
E-mail: larry@whosyourrabbi.com

OY VEY! Who’s Your Rabbi?
West Palm Beach Co. Launches Hip, Jewish T-Shirt Line

West Palm Beach, FL - October 4, 2004 - G. Road Productions Corp. has announced its new line of Who’s Your Rabbi? t-shirts, Jewish-themed tees created for hip, young Jews who want to proudly express their faith. The Who’s Your Rabbi? website - www.whosyourrabbi.com - went live on October 1st.

Who’s Your Rabbi? offers 9 varieties of men’s and women’s stylish t-shirts mixed with humorous anecdotes throughout the site, offering up which shirts are “Perfect for the High Holidays” or which “Tee goes great with bagels & cream cheese!”

Based in West Palm Beach, G. Road Productions was founded in 2004 by entrepreneurs Larry Fein, age 35, and Joshua Cox, age 35, two longtime friends who saw the opportunity to create a message that resonates with a diverse wide Jewish-based audience.

“Religious clothing is very popular right now,” said Fein. “But we hadn’t seen anything that really caught our eye. Being a Jewish professional and proud of my heritage, I thought ‘there’s got to be a better way to express who we are!’ My partner and I challenged each other to come up with a great message for Jews with a more discerning eye. What we came up with was a very hip design and fresh message with Who’s Your Rabbi? Partner Cox is not Jewish.

The company is currently in talks with national apparel merchandisers to offer their t-shirts in retail outlets nationwide.

Apparel company G. Road Productions Corp. focuses on bringing innovative messages and designs to the fashion-hungry public.

SHALOM

Who's Your Rabbi?

2004-11-01T22:41:00.000-05:00
Finally, Who's Your Rabbi? is up and running. Who's Your Rabbi? is here to make sure the term 'Hip Jew' is never used as an oxymoron.

Check out these hip Jewish t-shirts: Who's Your Rabbi?

Rabbi Moishe is da man

2004-07-20T21:55:00.000-04:00
It all started when two best friends got together to devise a way to conquer the world. After years of contemplating the perfect widget and bouncing stupid ideas back and forth from Portland (CT) to Atlanta to Jupiter, finally we saw the light. The light came from a candle lit by a Rabbi, Rabbi Moishe.

We never met Rabbi Moishe before, but when we did, we knew that he was our man. Rabbi Moishe is our widget. Rabbi Moishe, a Jew & a Gentile are going to take over the world. Every Jew, every person that knows a Jew, heck every person that ever saw an Adam Sandler or Ben Stiller movie will know who we are. Not only will they know us, they will be buying what we decide to sell to them.

My friends, tonight I welcome Rabbi Moishe to the world. Look out he will be everywhere very soon.